Taking longer to come (ejaculate) than you'd like, or not being able to come, is sometimes referred to as delayed ejaculation. However, there is wide variation in what people consider "too long". People have different preferences for how long they like sex to last and there is no defined length of time for how long sex should last. However, research studies have found that the average length of time it takes to ejaculate during sexual intercourse ranges from 2-7 minutes. It is normal for ejaculation to take a little longer if you’re older, tired, stressed, or have recently ejaculated.
Physical causes include:
- Neurological disorders such as multiple sclerosis and spinal cord injury
- Diabetes
- Pelvic-region and prostate surgery
- Drugs and medications prescribed to treat high blood pressure, depression, psychosis and heart disease.
- Hormone levels
- Lifestyle factors, such as smoking, alcohol and recreational drug use, and poor nutrition
Psychological causes include:
- Stress, depression, and anxiety.
- Tiredness
- Worries about sexual performance, using condoms, and STIs
- Not being aroused by the situation, feeling sexually bored, or other feelings about your sexual practices and partners
- Frequency or style of masturbation
- Relationship problems
- Having other things on your mind and not being able to be in the sexual moment
- Unresolved feelings about living with an STI or HIV
- Beliefs about sex (for example, that it is shameful)
- Unwanted, or negative, previous sexual experiences
It is important to have a medical assessment by an appropriately trained medical professional, such as a specialist in sexual problems, to ascertain the role of any physical or medical factors contributing to difficulties coming when you want to. Your GP may be able to help with this, or signpost you to a specialist service.